Love, Valentines and CS Lewis

This week you would be forgiven for thinking happiness comes from chocolate, flowers and heart-shaped greeting cards. Even a cursory look into my local convenience store confronts me with shelves telling one story: it is Valentine’s this week.

February 14th provokes a whole range of reactions in us, doesn’t it? Even putting aside the blatant commercialism, some find it a sentimental treat, others hate to be reminded of their current relationship status.

Whatever your reaction, the roots of Valentines season lie deep in something that every human heart seeks and needs : love. A few years ago, CS Lewis, the author of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, published a book called ‘The Four Loves’.

Lewis said that love is a complex, many-sided reality, not a simple emotion. On the one hand, people have a deep need for love, sometimes from an experience of lack or longing. Like the frightened child who runs to its parent, or how, in a moment of crisis, we ask God for his help. On the other hand, we can be motivated in love to overflow with generosity. Like what inspires you to care for the people that are important to you without expecting anything in return. Or to forgive someone who’s hurt you.

Lewis gave love four categories, which rise in significance. ‘Affection’ is a fondness for someone you are familiar with, the most natural and widespread expression of love. ‘Friendship’ unites us with kindred spirits. It forms a strong bond, that can last a lifetime, because it is freely chosen.  

‘Eros’ is the one that grabs the headlines, romantic love. Lewis acknowledged how wonderful it can be, but cautioned us not to make this powerful emotion our god, above all others. "Eros in all his splendour ... may urge to evil as well as good." Think of how selfish lovers can become, or of crimes of passion.

‘Charity’ the greatest of the four loves, the kind which makes the most difference. Selfless love. It lasts regardless of changing circumstances. It only develops when we are secure inside, and we cultivate this virtue. It is a reflection of God’s unconditional love and character working inside of us.

CS Lewis formulated some of these ideas over his weekly pub nights with the deeply religious author JRR Tolkien. All four loves appear in some way in the Lord Of The Rings trilogy. I wonder, can you see them in your life too?